Jokes
Jokes at Shazzle
Some sheep and office humor...
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.
"Wow...that looks deep."
"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.
"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."
They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."
The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.
The two men are astonished with what they've just seen... Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.
Hey... you two guys seen my sheep out here?
You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!
Nah, says the farmer, That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was chained to a railroad tie.
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Tricks to Liven Up a Meeting
1- Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.
2- Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
3- Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
4- Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
5- Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
6- When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
7- Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
8- Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
--http://www.injokes.com/
How to Annoy Your Co-Workers
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does.
3) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as often since you did this.
4) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself at random the whole way.
5) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
6) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN".
7) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
8) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza, donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
--http://www.comedycentral.com
